Why We Avoid Things (And How to Stop)
We all do it—put off difficult conversations, dodge responsibilities, or distract ourselves when things get overwhelming. Avoidance behavior is a natural response to discomfort, but when it becomes a pattern, it can create anxiety, stress, and even bigger problems down the road.
If you’ve ever found yourself deep in a Netflix binge instead of handling an important task, or going out of your way to avoid a difficult situation, this article is for you. Let’s explore what avoidance behavior really is, why we do it, and how to break free from its grip.
What Is Avoidance Behavior?
Avoidance behavior happens when we dodge situations, emotions, or responsibilities that feel uncomfortable or threatening. It’s often linked to anxiety, stress, or past negative experiences, and while it may bring short-term relief, it usually leads to long-term consequences.
Common Types of Avoidance
Avoidance can show up in different ways. Here are a few of the most common forms:
Why Do We Avoid Things?
There are a few psychological reasons why we lean on avoidance behavior. Understanding these can help us begin to shift our habits.
1. Fear of Discomfort or Failure
Many of us avoid things because we anticipate they’ll be uncomfortable or we’re afraid we won’t do well. This is especially true for tasks that require effort, vulnerability, or uncertainty.
2. Anxiety and Overwhelm
When our brains perceive something as stressful, they trigger a fight-or-flight response. Avoidance is a form of “flight.” By dodging the situation, we feel temporary relief, but the stress often comes back stronger later.
3. Habit and Conditioning
If we’ve been avoiding difficult things for a long time, it becomes second nature. We don’t even think about it—we just automatically dodge situations that seem tough.
4. Negative Past Experiences
If something went badly in the past, we may unconsciously avoid similar situations in the future. For example, if you failed a big test in school, you might avoid taking on new learning opportunities as an adult.
The Consequences of Avoidance
Avoidance may feel good in the moment, but it can have some serious downsides, including:
Increased Anxiety – The more we avoid something, the scarier it feels over time.
Missed Opportunities – Avoiding challenges means missing chances for growth and success.
Strained Relationships – Avoiding conflict or difficult conversations can lead to unresolved issues.
More Stress in the Long Run – Problems don’t go away just because we ignore them. They often get worse.
How to Break the Cycle of Avoidance
If avoidance has been holding you back, the good news is that you can break the cycle. Here’s how:
1. Start Small
Tackling big fears head-on can feel overwhelming, so start with small steps. If you avoid phone calls, try answering one today. If you dodge difficult conversations, start with a text or email.
2. Name Your Avoidance
Awareness is the first step to change. Notice when you’re avoiding something and say it out loud: “I’m avoiding this because it feels uncomfortable.” This simple act can help you take control.
3. Challenge Your Thoughts
Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen? and How likely is that really? Our brains often exaggerate the risks of facing something difficult.
4. Use the “5-Minute Rule”
If you’re avoiding a task, commit to doing it for just five minutes. Often, once you start, it’s easier to keep going.
5. Practice Exposure Therapy
Exposure therapy is a psychological technique that involves gradually facing what you fear in a controlled way. If you’re afraid of public speaking, for example, start by talking in front of a mirror, then to a friend, then a small group.
6. Build Emotional Resilience
Instead of running from uncomfortable emotions, practice sitting with them. Mindfulness, meditation, and journaling can help you become more comfortable with discomfort.
7. Seek Support
If avoidance is significantly impacting your life, therapy can help. A therapist can work with you to uncover the root causes and develop strategies to move forward.
Final Thoughts
Avoidance behavior is common, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding why we avoid things and taking small steps to face discomfort, we can break free from the cycle and start living more fully.
The next time you catch yourself avoiding something, pause and ask: What’s one small step I can take right now? Change doesn’t happen overnight, but every step forward makes a difference.
Need extra support? Working with a therapist can help you navigate avoidance behavior and develop healthier coping strategies. If you're ready to take that step, click the button below to get started!